Luchadors Fans Celebrate Not Signing Star Pitcher 'Franchy Rolison' Over Bizarre Name Confusion
Owner Señior Perro Calls Fans “Idiotas” for Botching Signing Due to Francophobia
MEXICO CITY — In a move that has left baseball analysts baffled and fans of irony absolutely delighted, supporters of the Mexico City Luchadors erupted in celebration this week after their team did not sign star pitcher Franchy Rolison—believing his first name, “Franchy,” meant he was French.
“I don’t care how many strikeouts he has,” said lifelong Luchadors fan Edgar ‘El Churro’ Martinez while setting off a piñata shaped like a baguette. “We don’t need no fancy Parisian pitching here. This is lucha-country! We throw heat, not escargot!”
Despite Rolison being an American born flamethrower with a 99 mph fastball and a wicked changeup, Luchadors fans—drunk on mezcal and seasons of poor decision-making—assumed “Franchy” was a typo or worse: a nickname. For a Frenchman.
Team owner Señior Perro, a talking Dog in a gold lucha mask who also serves as a part-time villain in AAA wrestling events, was less than amused.
“These fans are absolute idiotas,” he growled at a hastily called press conference held at the back of a taco truck. “Franchy is not Frenchy, and even if he were, have they forgotten how many elite pitchers come from places that eat cheese for breakfast? We had a real shot at a Cy Young candidate, and they chased him off because they thought he wore a beret to the mound.”
Perro claims the team was in advanced talks with Rolison before an online fan petition titled “No Baguettes in the Bullpen” gained traction. Over 7,000 fans signed it, demanding the team invest in “more traditional Luchador-style pitchers” and “at least one guy named Nacho.”
Rolison, for his part, was reportedly “confused but ultimately relieved” by the team’s decision not to pursue him further. “I don’t even speak French,” he said. “I barely like croissants. I just want to pitch.”
Meanwhile, the Luchadors front office has pivoted to signing local talent, including a 43-year-old lefty named Armando “La Tormenta” Garcia who hasn’t played professionally since 2012 but does have a mustache fans describe as “very patriotic.”
When asked if he regrets the franchise's failure to bring in Rolison, Señior Perro let out a long sigh and scratched behind his lucha mask.
“Sometimes I wish I owned a curling team,” he muttered.
The Luchadors exhibition opener is against local AAA team the Tijuana Tequila Shots, who recently signed a pitcher named Luigi Tagliatelle. Fans have already begun picketing the potential "Italian Invasion."
