Talking Dog Baseball Owner Furious He Was Forced to Pay Player Fairly

“This is not the lucha way,” says El Señor Perro after unprecedented act of basic decency

MEXICO CITY — Outraged at being forced to engage in what he called “the most dishonorable act in baseball history,” El Señor Perro, the diamond-mask-wearing lucha wrestler and owner of the Mexico City Luchadores, held a fiery press conference Monday to denounce what he called “a dark day for villainy.”

The cause of his distress: paying star right fielder Deven Bickerton the contract he actually deserved.

“I cannot believe what these other owners have done,” growled El Señor Perro, adjusting the gold and diamond-studded mask that has made him both a baseball legend and a four-time interspecies lucha champion. “They used underhanded tricks so vile, so sneaky, so beautiful… that I had no choice but to act like some sort of ethical businessman. Dios mío.”

According to league sources, the Fresno Romans’ owner—known only as “Musketeer22,” though widely suspected to be shadowy WhatIfSports mogul WISBob—manipulated the free agent market so aggressively that Perro was boxed into actually matching the market rate for Bickerton’s services.

“I had the whole scam ready,” said Perro, shaking his paw in frustration. “Deferred payments until the year 2087, loyalty bonuses that disappear when you look at them too hard, an extra line of fine print that says he has to mow my lawn in the offseason. It was perfect. And then Musketeer22 comes in with this 21st-century capitalism crap and ruins everything.”

Around the league, other owners expressed sympathy for Perro’s plight. “It’s disgusting,” said San Antonio 'Yo-yo Bros' owner FW ‘The Account Adjuster’ Kikeonga. “He’s supposed to be the bad guy. If the villain has to play fair, what are the rest of us supposed to do? Pay taxes?”

Despite his outrage, Perro admitted to having “deep respect” for the scheme. “I wish I had thought of it first,” he said, briefly removing his championship lucha belt from the podium to wipe away a single dramatic tear. “Musketeer22 is a true artist. I am but a humble dog with a gold mask.”

When asked whether he’d retaliate, El Señor Perro confirmed he plans to challenge Musketeer22 to a best-of-three falls match at next weekend’s “Brawl at the Ballpark” exhibition.

“Winner takes free agency,” he barked, before dramatically leaping off the stage and powerbombing a nearby mascot through a folding table.