Franchy Rolison Interferes in Lucha Libre Title Match, Costs Señior Perro the AAA World Championship

 Dog Masked Owner Vows Revenge “In Nine Innings or Less”

MEXICO CITY — In a shocking turn of events that blurred the already paper-thin line between professional baseball and professional wrestling, injured star pitcher Franchy Rolison stormed the ring during last night’s AAA World Heavyweight Title match, costing Mexico City Luchadors owner and notorious heel wrestler Señior Perro his shot at championship gold.

Perro, decked out in his gold lucha mask and “Bark to the Future” cape, was just moments away from defeating reigning champion El Hijo de Vikingo when Rolison, still wearing his arm sling, appeared at ringside.

Eyewitnesses say Rolison climbed onto the apron, pointed directly at Perro, and yelled, “I’m not French, and you’re not champion!” before hurling a regulation Major League baseball at Perro’s tail.

The distraction allowed Vikingo to hit his signature 450 Degree Senton Splash and pin Perro for the three-count, retaining the title.

“It was the most baseball I’ve seen in a wrestling ring since that one time Randy Johnson fought a giant parrot,” said one fan, still covered in spilled nacho cheese from the chaos.

Perro’s Reaction

A livid Señior Perro, pacing backstage after the loss, called the interference “the biggest travesty in lucha libre since the invention of gluten-free churros.”

“This was supposed to be my moment!” he barked to reporters. “I’ve been training for months—lifting dumbbells, running up pyramid steps, learning to fake cry for sympathy promos—and that non-French pitcher ruins it? I’ll have my revenge, and it’ll be fastball-quick.”

Perro claims Rolison’s involvement proves “beyond a shadow of a doubt” that he was faking his shoulder injury all along, citing his “perfect throwing mechanics” during the baseball toss. Rolison responded via social media with a simple GIF of a dog chasing its own tail.

The Baseball-Wrestling Feud Intensifies

AAA officials have already teased a possible Lucha Libre vs. Baseball crossover event, tentatively titled “Bat Flips & Body Slams”, which would feature Perro facing Rolison in a special Loser Wears a Beretmatch.

Fans are already speculating on potential stipulations:

• Steel Bat on a Pole Match
• Bullpen Brawl (winner decided in extra innings or sudden death pinfall)
• Mascot Lumberjack Match featuring both wrestling and baseball mascots surrounding the ring

Vikingo’s Take

Champion El Hijo de Vikingo, sipping from a celebratory horchata, said he “fully supports more baseball players interfering” in matches. “If they keep taking out my challengers, I might hold this belt forever,” he laughed.

Next Steps

Perro has promised that this feud will not stay in the squared circle. “If he wants to play baseball, fine. But I own a baseball team. Guess who’s about to get sweet chin music every time he comes to the plate. 

Sources confirm Rolison has already begun training for a potential in-ring debut, incorporating baseball slides into lucha sequences and perfecting a new finishing move known as The Curveball Clutch.

As one commentator put it:
“Mexico’s about to find out what happens when a pitcher and a perro go to war—and it’s going to be a grand slam of chaos.”

Señior Perro Launches ‘Goodwill Tour’ to Repair Image Accidentally Admits to at Least Four Crimes, Possibly a Fifth

 MEXICO CITY — Facing mounting public suspicion over the mysterious shoulder injury to star pitcher Franchy Rolison, Mexico City Luchadors owner and notorious heel wrestler Señior Perro kicked off a “Goodwill Tour” this week to clear his name and “show the people I am a dog of honor.”

The tour’s first stop—a local elementary school—was intended to inspire young fans. Instead, Perro alarmed parents when, during a Q&A, he blurted out:

“Remember, niños, never sneak up behind a man and hit him with the Flying Churro Elbow unless you’re absolutely sure he’s French.”

Perro quickly clarified, “That was purely hypothetical,” but the damage was done.

At a charity softball game the next day, Perro’s publicist asked him to address the Rolison rumors head-on.

“Look, I didn’t injure Franchy. I mean, yes, I was in the parking lot at the time. Yes, I was wearing my gold mask. Yes, I was holding a folding chair. But that doesn’t prove anything in lucha court.”

The “goodwill” efforts only spiraled further in Guadalajara, where Perro attended a televised cooking show. While demonstrating how to make “Pitcher’s Pie,” he accidentally mimed a perfect wrestling armbar.

“This is how you tenderize the meat—uh, I mean… metaphorically… with consent,” he stammered as the host slowly slid away from him on camera.

Meanwhile, Rolison, still rehabbing his shoulder, posted a cryptic message on social media: “I see the dog is barking louder these days. Must be feeling guilty.”

Public opinion remains divided. Some fans still adore Perro, citing his recent donation of 100 lucha masks to an orphanage. Others point to the fact that each mask came with a small note reading, “Wear this if you ever want to win… or avoid injury.”

Next week’s stop on the Goodwill Tour is a public meet-and-greet at a local gym—ironically, the very same one where Rolison trained before his injury. Security has been tripled, and event organizers have placed a strict “no folding chairs” rule in place.

When asked how he feels about public skepticism, Perro just grinned beneath his mask.

“A true heel knows that even when the crowd boos, they’re still paying for tickets.”

The Luchadors front office insists the tour is working. “He’s been on the news every day,” said one PR intern, “which is technically… awareness.”

S3 Initial Power Rankings

Richard Castle - contributing reporter

EDITOR NOTE -  I promise to get back to our standard quality of articles soon.

• Best Record
• St Louis Archers
• 2nd Best
• Fargo Mud Dogs & Syracuse Firebirds
• 3rd Best
• Boston Act As If Afflects & Trenton Thunderbolts
• 4th Best
• Mexico City Luchadords & Indianapolis Speedsters
• 5th Best
• Texas Toast, Vancovuer Seawolves, & Arizona Canyon Kings

But for now, let's talk about expected wins - or, in other words, how teams SHOULD be playing. Are some squads punching above their weight class? Are others underperforming like a blockbuster flop? Time to separate reality from illusion. 

.768 - St. Louis Archers (NL-E Champ)

.719 - Fargo Mud Dogs (AL Wildcard 1)

.710 - Syracuse Firebirds (AL-N Champ)

.684 - Boston 'Act As If' Afflects (AL-E Champ)

.672 - Trenton Thunderbolts (NL-N Champ)

.645 - Indianapolis Speedsters (NL Wildcard 1)

.635 - Mexico City Luchadors (NL-S Champ)

.548 - New Orleans Voodoo

.545 - Tacoma Armada 

.540 - San Antonio Yo-Yo Bros Yo 

.528 - Charlotte Intimidators 

.521 - Fresno Romans (NL-W Champ)

.500 - Salt Lake City Trappers

.487 - Tucson Road Runners

.485 - Vancouver Blue Heron (AL Wildcard 2)

.484 - Montgomery Fightins

.480 - Philadelphia Hooligans

.480 - Cincinnati Redlegs

.477 - Texas Toast (AL-S Champ)

.476 - Arizona Canyon Kings (AL-W Champ)

.473 - Baltimore IronBirds

.470 - Scottsdale Sazeracs (NL Wildcard 1)

.441 - Rochester Mighty Flour Mills

.430 - Buffalo Bomb Squad

.426 - Chicago Northsiders

.423 - Colorado Springs Ranchers

.376 - Durham Corgis

.374 - Louisville Bourbon Chasers

.357 - New York Pizza Rats

.323 - Los Angeles Labradors

.295 - Helena Highlanders

.248 - Nashville Hot

The dreaded list

 
Team                            On Pace Wins    Expect Win %

Helena Highlanders             49 W                48 W

Nashville Hot                       49 W                40 W

Los Angeles Labradors        53 W                52 W

S3 - Rule 5 Draft

 Jessica Fletcher - contributing reporter

In my years as both a mystery writer and an amateur sleuth, I’ve learned that the smallest overlooked detail can change the course of an entire story. The same could be said for this season’s Rule 5 Draft in our beloved Hardball Stitches league. Quiet transactions and late selections often hide the most intriguing plot twists, and this year was no exception. Some clubs uncovered hidden gems ready to step into the spotlight, while others may find they’ve invited trouble into their clubhouse. Let’s turn back the pages and examine the clues—player by player—to see which moves may become instant classics and which might read more like cautionary tales.

1. Nashville - Avisail Urias (SP) - Injured during Spring Training. Healed but still on 60-day DL. Had an 1.85 WHIP and 7.45 ERA in his 15 starts and 16 games with Los Angeles last year. But was that the stretch run where LA was running on 0? Maybe, unconfirmed. 
2. Colorado Springs - No pick - 58-104 last year and they couldn't find a player that would be an improvement? The team toyed with the 55 win min last season, but battling close to .500 so far in this early season. And let's not forget that they lost 3 players within the top 10 picks of the Rule 5. 
3. Los Angeles - No pick - Given arm issues over the year, you'd think at least another starter would have made sense, even if a bullpen piece. 
4. Philadelphia - Luis Cook (LF) - Just 23 years old and currently manning 3B for the Hooligans...fitting, given that's how well he plays the position. But the numbers have been there - near .320 hitter, 7 HR through 33 games. 
5. Cincinnati - Evan Goldberg (CF) - Seems to be a plus defender in Center but barely has more hits than strikeouts. 
6. Vancouver - Stolmy Machado (RF) - Back to back picks coming from Colorado Springs. Been solid thus far, near .300 average, 8/11 in steals and has been pretty decent in RF. 
7. Helena - Anthony McNamara (RP) - Former Diamond In The Rough serving as a SuA for the Highlanders and doing so decently well. 1.35 WHIP, 3.31 ERA, 1/1 in saves through 16 1/3 innings. Has more K then ER. 
8. Arizona - Sometimes I feel like you gotta kick the Arizona team to make sure it's still alive. 
9. Charlotte - Gookie Hardy (CF) - yet another Centerfielder and the 3rd Colorado Springs taken; I'm seeing a trend developing. Hardy has no SB, 5 more highs than K - which is 3x as many walks as he has, but hey he's averaging 1 hit a game. 
10. Louisville - No pick - Rumor has it they were too busy chasing the floozies at the bar and forgot about their pick. 
11. Scottsdale - No pick - Were they out drinking with Louisville? 
12. Rochester - Noe Volquez (RP) - Has only seen 7 games thus far this season as a SuB but has been solid out those 10 innings with a .118 OAV. 
13. New York - Fred Monroe (CF) - Part timer with only 12 games and 42 at-bats. Doesn't have power, speed, or average and has logged more time at DH than in the field. Surely they found a better bump on a log to hit as the DH and that's why he's no longer getting ABs. 
14. Baltimore - No pick - Has the most Runs scored this season by over 50 runs. 
15. Tacoma - Dwight Roth (SP) - First SP in the Rule 5 to get a major league start and let's assume the pitcher's park in Tacoma is helping those numbers - 1.39 WHIP, 3.51 ERA. 2.0 K/BB rate. 
16. Tucson - No pick - Is there something in the water in Arizona, none of the three teams in the state made a Rule 5 pick. 
17. Fargo - No pick - Getting to some of the playoff caliber teams that don't have needs to fill from the types in the Rule 5. 
18. Salt Lake City - James Wang (C) - Starting Catcher for the Trappers against Righties and hitting quite nicely at the bottom of the lineup. .373 avg. 
19. Durham - No pick - Given the way this season has gone, they could have surely used someone at this point in the draft. 14-26 at the quarter season mark. But hey, at least they don't own the worst record in HS. 
20. Fresno - Buddy Williams (SS) - You'd think a SS drafted in the Rule 5 would at least be getting late innings fielding opportunities, but he has none and only 2 ABs to his name, but hitting 1.000!! Even 1 HR. 
21. Texas - Paul Barney (2B) - Has a decent average but doesn't appear to be getting any more starts. 
22. San Antonio - No pick - Not really having the season they expected, currently sitting a few games until .500 but leads the league in Shutouts!
23. Mexico City - No elegir - No se que esta haciendo este equipo. 
24. Montgomery - Adam Orlando (RP) - Surprised he didn't go sooner considering the cost of relief pitchers these days. I'd expect his numbers to go up from his current 1.93 ERA - just look at that 1.57 WHIP for reason #1. 
25. Chicago - No pick - Heard they were too busy cutting the Ivy with pruning sheers and forgot the Rule 5 draft was going on. 
26. Buffalo - Audry Rodriguez (P) - Yikes, trying to set a record for worst ERA in league history. Currently resides at 12.27 through 5 games as a MOP. 
27. Indianapolis - No pick - 2x playoff team doesn't need help from the 5. 
28. New Orleans - No pick - See above just in a better city. 
29. Trenton - No pick - See above just in a worse city
30. Syracuse - Santiago 'Soledad Salvador Saul' Saenz (SS) - Getting in a little time in the field but I'm told he's an even better cheerleader. 
31. St Louis - No pick - Hoping to get back to the World Series and doesn't need the help of a guy who wasn't good enough to protect. 
32. Boston - John Patterson (SS) - Has appeared in most of their games this season and hitting above .300. What's not to like? 

Syracuse Cancels Dog Night at the Ballpark

Mysterious Injury to Star Pitcher Franchy Rolison Leads to Cancellation of Annual Event

SYRACUSE – One night a year, the great people of Syracuse can enjoy seeing their beloved Firebirds in action and enjoy the game with man’s best friend, the faithful dog.  That won’t be the case this year though as management has abruptly cancelled the event, originally scheduled for September 10th against the Los Angeles Labradors.  Syracuse owner, Nick Nuisance made the announcement after their 4-1 win over the Durham Corgis.  When pressed as to why, Nuisance shouted, “because we can’t have more dogs injuring our players!”

Reporters were left baffled at this response.  Did the Syracuse owner really think that a dog injured one of their players?  Since then, rumors have been swirling as to how star pitcher Franchy Rolison was hurt in the Firebirds’ 6-4 win over Durham the other night.  Rolison threw 2.2 innings before being removed from the game after striking out Durham 1B Dustan Nevin.  After the game, Rolison was placed on the 60-day DL with what was only being described as a sore shoulder.  Now there are reports coming out that Rolison may have been blindsided by a talking dog in a gold lucha mask.  Yes, you read that correctly. 

The speculation coming out is that Mexico City Luchadors owner and part-time wrestler, Señior Perro was responsible for causing the mysterious injury before the game.  Dressed as dog in tights, supposedly Perro was growing in Spanish before attaching the Syracuse ace.  There were reports before the game that there could be a change in starting pitchers, but a mysterious force prevented the starting pitcher from being changed.  Rolison tried to power through the injury but ultimately was taken out of the game after hearing something pop in his shoulder.

At a follow-up press conference with Nuisance, reporters asked if he was confusing a real dog with a man dressed as a dog.  Nuisance responded, “it doesn’t matter anymore!  There will be no more dogs allowed at my ballpark while I am in charge!  If I had it my way, we would never let these damn Corgis or Labradors play here either!”

So there you have it.  Our beloved dog night has been taken away from us thanks to a jealous owner in spandex and an idiot owner who can’t identify a dog from a person.  Where do they find these guys anyways?

Franchy's Mysterious Injury

Star Pitcher Franchy Rolison Sidelined with Mysterious Shoulder Injury

All Eyes on Luchadors Owner and Notorious Heel Wrestler ‘Señior Perro’

MEXICO CITY — Just weeks after narrowly avoiding a bizarre name-based signing controversy, star pitcher Franchy Rolison has been sidelined indefinitely with what team doctors are calling a “mysterious, unexplained shoulder injury.”

Baseball insiders, conspiracy theorists, and at least one guy who sells churros outside Estadio de los Luchadores are convinced they know the culprit: Mexico City Luchadors owner and part-time wrestling villain Señior Perro.

Rolison was spotted leaving a training facility in a sling, muttering something about “being blindsided in the parking lot” and “definitely not by a talking dog in a gold lucha mask.” While no charges have been filed, suspicious circumstances abound.

Eyewitness Julio “Big Tamale” Herrera told reporters, “I saw a short, furry figure in a cape doing some kind of spinning elbow drop off the hood of a taco truck. Next thing you know, Franchy’s clutching his shoulder. It doesn’t take Scooby-Doo to solve this one.”

Facing growing speculation, Señior Perro hastily called a press conference—this time held inside a wrestling ring set up in the middle of a car wash—to deny any wrongdoing.

“This is ridiculous,” Perro barked, pacing in full wrestling gear. “I had nothing to do with Rolison’s injury. That day I was busy… uh… helping orphans learn to pile-drive… for charity. Also, my cape was at the dry cleaner, so it couldn’t have been me.”

Pressed for specifics, Perro offered a cascade of increasingly improbable alibis:

“I was in a three-hour cage match with a mariachi band.”

“I was taste-testing 400 varieties of salsa for the annual Fiesta del Picante.”

“I don’t even know how to do a shoulder-lock submission… anymore.”

When asked if he still harbored resentment toward Rolison after last month’s failed signing, Perro scoffed. “Resentment? Please. I’ve completely moved on. In fact, I sent him a lovely fruit basket just last week. Yes, it may have contained a single, ominously sharpened pineapple, but that’s just how we show affection in lucha culture.”

Rolison, speaking from his home, was more cryptic: “Look, I don’t want to point paws—I mean, fingers—but I’m pretty sure I know who did this. Let’s just say, if you hear someone growling in Spanish behind you, start running.”

The Luchadors’ front office has refused to comment, though one anonymous staffer admitted, “Honestly, we’re just surprised it took Perro this long to go full supervillain.”

The team has since signed emergency pitcher Nacho del Fuego, whose fastball tops out at 72 mph but whose walkout music “really gets the crowd going.”

Next week, the Luchadors face the rival San Antonio Yo-Yo Bros Yo. Security has reportedly been increased—especially around the bullpen—and several players have quietly invested in anti-bite shoulder pads.