Mysterious Injury to Star Pitcher Franchy Rolison Leads to Cancellation of Annual Event
SYRACUSE – One night a year, the great people of Syracuse can enjoy seeing their beloved Firebirds in action and enjoy the game with man’s best friend, the faithful dog. That won’t be the case this year though as management has abruptly cancelled the event, originally scheduled for September 10th against the Los Angeles Labradors. Syracuse owner, Nick Nuisance made the announcement after their 4-1 win over the Durham Corgis. When pressed as to why, Nuisance shouted, “because we can’t have more dogs injuring our players!”
Reporters were left baffled at this response. Did the Syracuse owner really think that a dog injured one of their players? Since then, rumors have been swirling as to how star pitcher Franchy Rolison was hurt in the Firebirds’ 6-4 win over Durham the other night. Rolison threw 2.2 innings before being removed from the game after striking out Durham 1B Dustan Nevin. After the game, Rolison was placed on the 60-day DL with what was only being described as a sore shoulder. Now there are reports coming out that Rolison may have been blindsided by a talking dog in a gold lucha mask. Yes, you read that correctly.
The speculation coming out is that Mexico City Luchadors owner and part-time wrestler, Señior Perro was responsible for causing the mysterious injury before the game. Dressed as dog in tights, supposedly Perro was growing in Spanish before attaching the Syracuse ace. There were reports before the game that there could be a change in starting pitchers, but a mysterious force prevented the starting pitcher from being changed. Rolison tried to power through the injury but ultimately was taken out of the game after hearing something pop in his shoulder.
At a follow-up press conference with Nuisance, reporters asked if he was confusing a real dog with a man dressed as a dog. Nuisance responded, “it doesn’t matter anymore! There will be no more dogs allowed at my ballpark while I am in charge! If I had it my way, we would never let these damn Corgis or Labradors play here either!”
So there you have it. Our beloved dog night has been taken away from us thanks to a jealous owner in spandex and an idiot owner who can’t identify a dog from a person. Where do they find these guys anyways?