Star Pitcher Franchy Rolison Sidelined with Mysterious Shoulder Injury
All Eyes on Luchadors Owner and Notorious Heel Wrestler ‘Señior Perro’
MEXICO CITY — Just weeks after narrowly avoiding a bizarre name-based signing controversy, star pitcher Franchy Rolison has been sidelined indefinitely with what team doctors are calling a “mysterious, unexplained shoulder injury.”
Baseball insiders, conspiracy theorists, and at least one guy who sells churros outside Estadio de los Luchadores are convinced they know the culprit: Mexico City Luchadors owner and part-time wrestling villain Señior Perro.
Rolison was spotted leaving a training facility in a sling, muttering something about “being blindsided in the parking lot” and “definitely not by a talking dog in a gold lucha mask.” While no charges have been filed, suspicious circumstances abound.
Eyewitness Julio “Big Tamale” Herrera told reporters, “I saw a short, furry figure in a cape doing some kind of spinning elbow drop off the hood of a taco truck. Next thing you know, Franchy’s clutching his shoulder. It doesn’t take Scooby-Doo to solve this one.”
Facing growing speculation, Señior Perro hastily called a press conference—this time held inside a wrestling ring set up in the middle of a car wash—to deny any wrongdoing.
“This is ridiculous,” Perro barked, pacing in full wrestling gear. “I had nothing to do with Rolison’s injury. That day I was busy… uh… helping orphans learn to pile-drive… for charity. Also, my cape was at the dry cleaner, so it couldn’t have been me.”
Pressed for specifics, Perro offered a cascade of increasingly improbable alibis:
“I was in a three-hour cage match with a mariachi band.”
“I was taste-testing 400 varieties of salsa for the annual Fiesta del Picante.”
“I don’t even know how to do a shoulder-lock submission… anymore.”
When asked if he still harbored resentment toward Rolison after last month’s failed signing, Perro scoffed. “Resentment? Please. I’ve completely moved on. In fact, I sent him a lovely fruit basket just last week. Yes, it may have contained a single, ominously sharpened pineapple, but that’s just how we show affection in lucha culture.”
Rolison, speaking from his home, was more cryptic: “Look, I don’t want to point paws—I mean, fingers—but I’m pretty sure I know who did this. Let’s just say, if you hear someone growling in Spanish behind you, start running.”
The Luchadors’ front office has refused to comment, though one anonymous staffer admitted, “Honestly, we’re just surprised it took Perro this long to go full supervillain.”
The team has since signed emergency pitcher Nacho del Fuego, whose fastball tops out at 72 mph but whose walkout music “really gets the crowd going.”
Next week, the Luchadors face the rival San Antonio Yo-Yo Bros Yo. Security has reportedly been increased—especially around the bullpen—and several players have quietly invested in anti-bite shoulder pads.